What is meant by “Narcissistic Abuse”?
Narcissistic abuse is described as a form of emotional or psychological abuse which is characterised by manipulation, control and a lack of empathy. The abuser uses calculated tactics in order to control the victim. Narcissistic abuse is invisible, very often hidden from others to the point others see the perpetrator as charming and kind which can stop the victim from speaking up about abuse and even if they do speak, it can be a huge barrier for people to believe what they’re saying as it is so out of character for the person they see. Narcissistic abuse includes gaslighting, this is where the abuser manipulates the victim to the point where they are questioning their own reality.
Narcissistic abuse can leave the victim feeling isolated and questioning their own sanity leading to their self-esteem hitting a low and feeling a sense of worthlessness.
The long-term mental-health consequences
Long-term exposure to coercive, psychologically abusive behaviours is linked with elevated rates of depression, anxiety, PTSD and complex PTSD (C-PTSD). Chronic emotional abuse creates ongoing threat and hypervigilance, which can reshape stress responses and emotional regulation over time. Survivors commonly report persistent low self-esteem, identity confusion, difficulty trusting others, and relationship avoidance.
There can be biological and neurological consequences of prolonged intimate-partner abuse: studies show long-term increases in anxiety, sleep disorders, and even traumatic brain injury in some survivors, all of which affect long-term mental health and cognitive functioning. So while we often think of narcissistic abuse as psychological, the impact can also be physical.
Narcissistic partners frequently use manipulative tactics (gaslighting, DARVO — Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) that increase self-doubt and isolation and this makes it harder for victims to get help and prolong trauma reactions.
Recovery is possible
Healing from narcissistic abuse is usually neither quick nor linear, but it is possible. Recovery rests on three pillars:
- Safety and boundary re-establishment– separating from the abuser or creating firm safety plans is the foundation. Removing ongoing threat allows the nervous system to begin down-regulating. (If you’re in immediate danger, contact local emergency services.)
- Trauma-informed psychological treatment– modalities shown to help trauma survivors include trauma-focused CBT, EMDR and other trauma-informed therapies. These therapies target intrusive memories, safety learning, emotional regulation and self-narrative repair – key areas damaged by chronic psychological abuse. Working with clinicians who understand coercive control and relational trauma improves outcomes.
- Practical supports that rebuild identity and coping– social support, peer groups, psychoeducation about manipulation tactics, consistent routines, sleep, and grounding practices all help rebuild a sense of self and safety. Relearning trust and healthy boundaries is slow but central to long-term resilience.
Practical, steps you can take now
- Prioritise safety.If you’re still in contact, make a plan (trusted friends/family, local services). As a Restored Beacon Church, we can help as well as the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, the NHS and other specialist services with safety planning and referrals.
- Find trauma-informed help.Ask potential therapists about trauma-focused treatments (TF-CBT, EMDR) and experience with coercive control. Trauma-informed practitioners recognise patterns like gaslighting and narcissistic cycles.
- Limit contact and set boundaries.Where safe, use no-contact or low-contact strategies. Reduced exposure to manipulation gives your thinking and emotions space to stabilise.
- Therapeutic self-management.Daily grounding (breathing exercises, time in prayer), sleep hygiene, gentle exercise, and social connections lower physiological stress and support therapy work. Peer support groups (in-person or online) help reduce isolation.
- Document and validate your story.Keeping an objective record of incidents (dates, what happened) can be useful for safety, therapy and reclaiming memory from distortions caused by gaslighting.
What to expect in therapy and recovery
Therapy often begins with stabilisation: building safety, sleep, and emotional regulation skills. Then it moves into processing the trauma, correcting unhelpful self-beliefs (I’m to blame; I’m worthless), and practicing new relational skills. Recovery time can vary, some people feel huge relief after months of focused therapy; others need longer, more in-depth support. The key is consistent, trauma-informed care and supportive relationships.
Journalling prompts to begin reclaiming your story
- Read Romans 12:2 – Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Journal about what “renewing your mind” looks like for you – what thoughts, patterns, or beliefs need replacing, and what new truths do you want to hold on to.
- List five values or strengths you had before the relationship(or that you want to develop now). For each, write one small action you can take this week to live that value.
- Write a compassionate letter to yourselffrom the perspective of a trusted friend: what would they say to you about what you went through, and what practical next step would they encourage you to take?
You Are Not Alone
If you are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse and would like someone to talk to or to signpost to available resources and services, we’re here to support you.
Contact Sarah on 07853 216993 or email Restored@livingsprings.cc
