Foundations are important.
Foundations in a construction sense are the very thing that buildings are built on.
Foundations in relationships are equally as important.
We are going to see why foundations play a vital role in relationships.
Faulty foundations don’t always come to light straight away. Sometimes they only come to light when pressure is placed on them, sometimes they crack over time, little by little, perhaps not noticeably at the start then all of sudden crash, the whole thing comes down.
Every one of us here has experienced singleness, most of us will have experience moving from being single to dating, and many from dating to marriage, so that is the way I am going to approach things this morning.
Singleness
I believe that it is when we are single, we need to sort out our foundations.
If you are not a follower of Jesus your relationship foundations will be around your values, your beliefs.
If you are a follower of Jesus, you have those value and beliefs you hold to, but they are built on the foundation the belief in who Jesus is and how he asks us to live.
In most cases for a relationship to work, for it to go the distance when you are thinking of moving from being single to dating a relationship will only be healthy and work long term if the values, beliefs, the very foundations aline.
For followers of Jesus this poses a question.
Is it wise for a follower of Jesus to date, and then marry someone who doesn’t know Jesus?
To answer this let us turn to scripture:
2 Corinthians 6:14-15
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
These are strong words from the Apostle Paul and can be related to various scenarios.
But it makes sense when looking to date someone.
Yoked paints a picture of being joined, working together, being together.
If your values and beliefs are different then friction is going to be caused, friction can lead to a spark, and a spark to fire that destroys a relationship.
You may think the person you are going to date is kind, generous, loving but is that person going to be able to let you put God first? Are they going to understand why it’s not right to gossip, why certain things are red lines to you that may not be red lines to them.
The truth is it is highly likely that either the relationship won’t last, or you will find yourself compromising and walking away from God.
In an earlier letter to the church in Corinth Paul says the following:
1 Corinthians 7:39
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.
Now you may have the question, what do I do if I have become a follower of Jesus since I got married and my husband/wife isn’t a believer?
Again, let us turn to scripture:
1 Corinthians 7:12-13
12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.
If they are willing to stay married, then stay married, God isn’t about breaking marriages up.
I need to be clear on marriage, Elim’s position, my position is that marriage is between a man and a woman, I realise that this may cause pain to some people, some people may disagree with me.
Marriage the only place for intimacy
Genesis 2:24
24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Over history and especially since the love revolution of the 1960’s sex has been viewed in a more carefree way.
Sex however has more a deeper connection that people often realise.
Living Out a Marriage:
Ephesians 5:21-33
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
When reading these verses which to some may seem hard, may seem about control I want to only focus on one verse today:
Verse 21:
Ephesians 5:21
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Doesn’t this set the tone?
Don’t relationships, marriages work better when this is at the forefront of our minds.
If we look to put others first surely flourishing will follow,
Conclusion:
Know your foundations.
Date someone with the same foundations as you.
Not everyone will marry.
Followers of Jesus should only date other followers of Jesus.
Marriage is the place for intimacy.
Marriage is between and man and woman.
